Live For Now.. and a very strange way to realise it – My Buble Moment

Michael BubleIt needs to be said that from the very first time I heard Michael Buble I just loved the sound of his voice and knew that I would always be drawn to listen to him.  He is also right up there on my Don’t Wait – Just Do It List and I will ensure that I am still around when he returns to Melbourne again for his next tour.

Hang on I hear you say, isn’t he touring at the end of April and into May in Australia??  Well the answer is yes and right at this moment I am not going.

I have never really been one to attend a concert. In my old life I was to busy or to tired or just would not warrant spending the money as there was always something more important to spend it on.  In fact in my whole life I have attended three large performances. Dire Straits in 1986. The Doobie Brothers in around 2006? (cannot quite remember but it was a while ago). The most recent was when I sent in a Smooth Favourite request to Smooth FM 91.5 and totally out of the blue they decided to send me off to see Bernadette Peters. Not being my thing I did not know too many of the shows the songs were from but her voice was just magnificent and it was a lovely evening that I got to spend with my husband.

In fact actually attending Bernadette’s show was the first decision post My Buble Moment.  Normally I would have sat the tickets there, given them away if I could and not gone but not anymore. A funny side story to me seeing this show is that I lost the chance to win tickets to see Tina Arena, another magnificent performer (but that is another story and I am very sad about the circumstances indeed 😦 )

So, What is My Buble Moment ???  Well it is actually something I am now going to try to implement for the rest of my life.  I think it is more important than ever because when you are well you tend to just look off into the distance and work towards dropping off the perch when you are 80 odd but I now find myself trying to work towards that awesome age but with each test, scan and doctors visit you understand that time is not promised. It is not guaranteed, sick or well it does not matter. Growing old is a privilege.

I missed seeing Michael the last time he toured as I was still living in my previous life.  Yes you guessed it…. To busy, too tired, did not want to spend the money.  Unfortunate but I cannot change the past and will not cry over it either.  So you can imagine my excitement when I heard that he was returning with a new tour.  That is when it all started to unravel.

I was now living in the world of stage IV breast cancer and as hard as I tried was struggling with the ‘planning ahead’ part of my life.  My treatment side effects were knocking me around and the cancer was still sneaking about in my body and progressing in some spots.  So it was a dilemma. I wanted to go so very much but was being held back by my perceived future of not being well enough to attend and enjoy the evening.. So I waited to see.  Then the final straw happened and I was diagnosed with a new and separate cancer in my right breast.  So it was obvious that it needed to be evicted as I certainly did not invite it to stay.

Since I had been through this before it was a likely outcome that chemotherapy and possibly radiotherapy would follow.  This sent me further into the thought pattern of I will not be well enough to attend the concert and stopped thinking about it and decided to not purchase the tickets.

As time has gone on, we have indeed evicted the new unwanted visitor and it turns out that after consultation with my surgeon, medical oncologist and the radiation oncologistthe decision was that the treatment that I am undertaking for my stage IV cancer would be sufficient as the next step after the eviction.  The newest cancer was quite small and does not appear to have tried to move anywhere.

So here I am, it is almost time for the shows and Melbourne is sold out.  I do not know why it is bothering me so very much, though I think it is because I now have the new outlook of Just Do It.  I have been just slightly obsessed with trying to win tickets. Each time Smooth FM 91.5 plays the songs to phone to win tickets, my phone goes into meltdown.  I have been online and entered another competition and my poor husband who is sick to death of me, even entered a competition to just stop hearing about my trying !!!  I am not normally this animated on things such as this and it is a very strange feeling indeed!!!

The moral of the story is this:

If you live your life (no matter your current circumstances) scared and worried that you may or may not be able to do something that you really want to do in the future and you let the opportunity go then you will probably never go anywhere or do anything outside of your normal daily routine with lots and lots of thoughts about ‘If only I had’.

Where there’s a will there is a way and if you want it to happen then most times it actually can. This is certainly not restricted to things that cost lots of money it can refer to anything at all.

I still struggle with planning into the future as even though I hope that my disease remains stable I know it can progress at anytime. But, I work on overcoming the fear of planning ahead so that I can live my life and not just exist.

I hold a small glimmer of hope that my crazy obsession with getting tickets (and one of the competitions are actually diamond tickets!!!) will pay off, but the reality is that it is just a small chance and I am OK with that. I will make sure I am still here for his next tour and will be at the front of the queue buying diamond tickets. If (and it is still an if) I am not well enough to attend, how hard do you think it would be to find someone to go instead of me???  not very !!!

So if you are reading this and have something you have been avoiding because of the ‘what if syndrome’ STOP it right now and book it.. Do it… Enjoy it.. 





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