It may seem strange but tomorrow is probably the biggest most important day I have had in quite a while. You would think that the honour of that day would be held by the day I was diagnosed with Secondary Breast Cancer last November, but no. Tomorrow is the day that we find out how it is all going and what we are going to do now. My first group of chemo treatments went very well indeed and my BC 15-3 dropped away to 30, So I have been let sit for six months to see what is what.
During that time I have not been sitting still, oh no, far from it. I have discovered that my path has changed. I have changed. I am indeed growing and feel better and more “healed” than I have ever felt before and that is an extremely important step into my future.
From day 1, I have always said that I can and will beat this, and with all my heart and soul believe it still as I sit here and write. I run with the thought that – If not today, then tomorrow.
I have no idea what plan is to be set in motion for me tomorrow but I know that the test results are there and so there is indeed no point at all in worrying about the “What If Syndrome”. Though it has indeed reared its ugly and contorted little head this week. It took me almost by surprise and was very hard to send away from my door and took every single ounce of my strength, inner power and happiness to send it away. But I have and am now back and ready to deal with the report head on.
I have had much time to think all week and it has not actually been too much of the – what if my cancer is still there and spreading? It has been more about having to undergo further treatment and loose the huge leaps I have made in my fitness in these past six months as the side effects are “interesting” to say the least. But a better way to look at it is this – If there are the dreaded lurgies still in my body and if there needs to be further chemo and if my body reacts and heads backwards then I will indeed take it all in my stride and knowing that I have dealt with it before and have more knowledge on how to get around it that I can play the old two steps forward, one step back with a big step forward yet again. LOL, see, too many if‘s to worry about. It is just one more step in my journey.
Tomorrow will also make the decision for me of to the hairdressers or not.. I am totally refusing to colour my hair (What there is of it LOL anyway) unless I know it is staying around for just a while !!! See way important.. To colour or not to colour….. THAT is the question !!!!!!